Victory Stands on the Back of Sacrifice
by K17L53
Summary: Slightly AU where Mt. Weather went as planned and Lexa didn't take the deal. So…all is right with the world and Clexa is all good. But they still ended up having to irradiate the mountain. OR The one where Abby finds Clarke and Lexa making out.


_A/N: _ This started out as a fun fic because after rewatching season 2, I couldn't stop thinking about how Abby would react if she found out the Commander kissed her daughter/walked in on them actually kissing. But I got ahead of myself, this was meant to be light and fluffy but ended up focusing more on Clarke and Lexa (who's complaining?) than how Abby would react.

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Camp Jaha was bursting with life for probably the first time since they had reached the ground. Although celebration was in the air, there was still a hint of regret and guilt over what they had to do in order to take down the mountain. Yes, the plan was to make sure the innocents lived but things took a turn for the worse and they didn't really have a choice but to radiate the entire mountain, killing everyone there. It had come down to Bellamy and Clarke having to make that decision with everyone else still fighting the guards. Although the grounder army was a lot bigger, the mountain men had guns and other weapons which were no match for the grounders. Bellamy and Clarke didn't want to pull the lever, there were too many people who didn't deserve to die; young children, people who had helped them, but it was looking bad for _their_ people; Octavia had too many on her side and Lexa seemed to be surrounded, not mention the people who were being tortured in order for the mountain men to extract their bone marrow. That left the two of them with no other choice but to irradiate the mountain.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked Clarke gently. She was sitting on the table and Clarke on her lap; the two of them were in one of the back rooms inside Camp Jaha and everyone was still outside, celebrating their people's safe return. Even the grounders seemed to be enjoying themselves with the arkers.

"No." Clarke whispered, her voice broken, trying to hold back the tears.

"Clarke," Lexa tried again, trying to get Clarke to look up. "Look at me," She brought up one hand, brushing it gently against her cheek. "It's okay."

"It's not." Clarke almost felt her heart ache with every word that came out of her mouth. Nonetheless, she turned her head slightly, looking up at Lexa, she was probably the only one who understood what pulling the lever and irradiating the mountain meant. Everyone else seemed to be fine with what happened; anyone she talked to seemed to happy if anything about their victory, not thinking for a moment what the cost of it was.

"You did what you had to do to save your people." Lexa's not sure when the last time was she had to speak so gently to someone. "To save _our_ people."

"That doesn't make it okay." Her voice was almost inaudible and she thought Lexa didn't even hear her.

"It was a difficult decision, Clarke. You made the right one."

"It doesn't feel like I did. I feel a monster, Lexa." Tears welled in her eyes, threatening to spill.

"No, no." Lexa shook her head. "You're not." She gave her a gentle smile. "I know this is hard Clarke, but you didn't have a choice."

The tears spilled and Clarke did her best to stop the quiver in her lips. "When does it stop feeling like this?" She asked almost desperately, letting her head fall on Lexa's shoulder.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out."

Lexa's hand came up to Clarke's back, doing her best to comfort her but she didn't know how. The two of them went silent, not saying anything and just taking in each other's presence. Lexa could feel Clarke's tears slowly soaking through the material of her shirt. She had taken off all her armor and they were now sitting in a pile on the other end of the table. She really wished there was something she could do or say to make Clarke feel better.

"How do you do this?" Clarke said after a couple of minutes, bringing her head up. The whole _leading_ thing was getting to her way before Mt. Weather but this just made it worse; everyone in there, their blood was on her hands.

Lexa didn't say anything for a while, just watching Clarke for a moment, unsure of how to answer. "I don't know." She whispered.

"Maybe my mom was right, I don't know what I'm doing."

"You're doing better than she was." Lexa urged on. "Our people would've done nothing but kill each other if it weren't for you."

"You mean if it weren't for you." Clarke corrected her. "After everything my people did, I'm surprised you even considered this alliance, let alone gave it a chance."

"It wouldn't have lasted if it weren't for you." Lexa smiled at her, her hand coming up to cup her cheek.

"No one seems to understand what really happened back in the mountain." Clarke said finally. "They don't see how we ended up having to take so many innocent lives."

"But you also saved lives." She made small circles on Clarke's cheek with her thumb. "You saved my life."

There wasn't much distance between them anyways but Clarke leaned forward and closed it, pressing her lips hard against Lexa's; just wanting to feel something that wasn't guilt or regret for a moment. Lexa kissed back, even gentler than the first time and Clarke didn't really think it was possible. Clarke pressed against her harder, pushing her back on to the table but Lexa let her. She removed her hand from Clarke's cheek before placing it behind her in order to stop herself from falling back. Lexa heard Clarke let out a soft moan as she slid her tongue into Clarke's mouth. She didn't ease down, but continued to kiss back and Lexa finally let her hand give out, lowering both of them on to the table.

" _WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?_ " Abby exclaimed as she walked in to the room a minute later.

Clarke rolled off Lexa at the sudden noise, turning on her side and looking at her mom at the door with an expression on her face which was surprised, worried and unimpressed all at the same time. Lexa only sighed and clenched her jaws, not making an effort to move but only restraining herself from saying, " _Are you fucking kidding me?_ "

"What are you doing here?" Clarke asked, most of her expression gone, only the unimpressed one remaining. "Shouldn't you be out there, celebrating with everyone else or something?" She sat up, but Lexa only propped herself up on her elbows, looking between Clarke and her mom, not bothering to sit up.

"I couldn't find you and Bellamy said you were inside." Abby replied, clearly wanting to talk about something else.

"Well…I am." She replied impatiently, wanting her mom to leave.

"What are you doing?" Abby finally asked.

"Umm…what does it…look like?" Clarke asked hesitantly and Lexa had to suppress a smile.

"Lexa can you give us a min-" Lexa shot Abby a look without really realizing it, causing her to stop. Abby thought for a moment, not sure what caused it but finally spoke. "I mean, Commander, could you please give us a minute?"

But Lexa only looked at Clarke, as if to ask whether she was okay with it. So when Clarke very subtly shook her head, Lexa remained rooted to her spot.

"Clarke, can I talk to you?" Abby tried again.

"I can't right now…" She sighed, shaking her head. "Why don't you go back outside?" She asked impatiently but when her mom didn't respond, Clarke spoke again, desperate for her to leave. "Please."

"We're not done here." She told her daughter sternly, doing her best to not glare at Lexa as she turned around and walked away.

Lexa turned to look back at Clarke, not sure if she should say anything just yet. "I'm sorry about that." Clarke spoke suddenly.

"It's fine." Lexa muttered.

"Do you want to get out of here?" She asked, a bit hesitantly. "Go somewhere no one's likely to walk in on us?"

Lexa nodded, finally getting up and gathering her things before following Clarke out of the room and through the spiraling corridors of Camp Jaha. She didn't know how anyone could make their way through here, everything looked the same; the floors, the walls…so it was a surprise when Clarke finally stopped in front of a door – which looked no different than to the room's they had just left – and opened it. Lexa looked at her questioningly. "Well, this is meant to be my bunk but I haven't really had the chance to be in here with everything going on." She explained. "So I don't think my mom's going to barge in this time…" That was definitely awkward and Clarke was dreading whatever her mom had to say to her about it.

Lexa nodded. "Are you sure?" She asked slowly as Clarke walked up to the bed and she followed, wanting to make sure that Clarke was okay with this and this was what she wanted.

"Only if you're okay with it." She replied and Lexa nodded again. "Because I need this right now. I just need to feel something that's not guilt or regret or pain for at least a little while."

.

Lexa sat at the edge of the small bed a couple of hours later, Clarke still asleep and looking as close to peaceful as she could after everything today. She needed to get going, her people were probably waiting for her by now but leaving Clarke without so much as telling her didn't feel right. It hadn't taken Clarke long to fall asleep after and to her surprise, Lexa did too. There was something comforting about being next to Clarke with their bodies pressed against each others that she didn't quite understand.

"You're up?" Clarke asked sleepily, looking at Lexa's bare back which was covered with nothing but her tattoo and a few cuts and bruises from earlier.

"Yes." Lexa nodded, turning her head slightly to look at Clarke.

"How long was I asleep?"

"About two hours."

"Right." Clarke muttered. "Are you leaving?" She asked, propping herself on her elbow and pulling the blanket over her chest.

"I was waiting for you to wake up." Lexa replied. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." She turned around this time.

"Polis?"

Lexa only nodded. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Probably…I don't know." Clarke shrugged. "Will I see you again?"

"I hope so." She replied. "We _are_ still allies…"

Clarke gave her a small smile with a nod.

"You should come with me." Lexa said before she could stop herself. "I know I've asked you before," She slowed down. "But you never got the chance to give me an answer."

"I don't know…" Clarke started, unsure.

"It might help getting away for a while." Lexa told her. "After Mt. Weather, you could use a break."

"Not just Mt. Weather." Clarke sighed, letting her head fall back on the pillow. "Ever since I came to the ground."

Lexa nodded. "Yes, so it might be good for you…"

Clarke thought about it for a while, Lexa was right; it would be a break from everything for at least a while. Getting away from Camp Jaha, getting away from all the responsibility that has been dumped on her…it might help. If anything set her over the edge, it was what she had to do at Mt. Weather and Clarke realized seeing her friends everyday would just be a reminder of that. Maybe going with Lexa, even if it's only for a little while, would be a good thing. "I think you're right." She said with a slight nod. "It'll give me a chance to clear my head…it'll give my mom a chance to take back charge and reestablish herself as the chancellor after I _oh so gently_ took over." Clarke rolled her eyes at herself.

"I think she'd want that." Lexa smiled at her. "But maybe not if it means you leaving for a while."

"She'll understand." Clarke replied. "I mean…she has to. I could use some time to myself…away from all of this, from everyone." She told Lexa. "Seeing their faces is just going to remind me of what I did to do to get them here."

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 _A/N:_ I didn't even think I was going to post this one, but since I'd written it, I just thought why not. And can you tell how I dodged writing smut? I mean, this fic needs it but i can't write it. So yeah, thanks for reading, I know this was bad but i hope it wasn't too bad.


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